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The Farsh-Nuke (character)
[ This list is incomplete; you can help by expanding it. ] "For every universe there is a farsh-nuke"-'' The Farsh-Nuke is basically AGJ 's ''Sonichu. It was created accidentally by Jahans at age 14 (2005/2006) as a mispelling of "farcical nuke".. It is unknown what was the first story he is featured in but it was probably released between 2008 and 2010. At first the Farsh-Nuke was Jahan's self insert but now he is some multiversal god and shieet. Quotes / Videos "Who is the Farsh-Nuke? The Farsh-Nuke is a fanboy; Who got bullied in his youth. Who grew up watching shows like Doctor Who. And he wanted to be a hero. He wanted to be this brilliant last of his kind thing. He wanted to go out and save the world. But he had a problem. (...)" -Explanation, Apology and Update part 2 The Farsh-nuke Series (02-09-2013) Fictional works featuring the Farsh-Nuke See Also: Alexander Gordon Jahans bibliography *''The Final Solution: A Farsh-Nuke Story'' (02-16-2017) Dissecting the Farsh-nuke (08-25-2015) DISSECTING THE FARSH-NUKE By Alexander Gordon Jahans People want to know what the Farsh-nuke's name means and that appeals to me. It's like Doctor Who, a riddle written into the core of the show and the character, Who is the Doctor? Except there is no meaning because the name came before I ever had the idea for the character. You see I created the brand Farsh-nuke before I was 14. I know it was before 14 because 14 was when I set up Farsh-nuke.com thinking that this was how I was going to make my money. So where did the name come from? Well I was bullied as a kid, bullied a lot, because the stupid creepy weirdo you're looking at now is a thousand times more improved than the kid at that school. So my main strategy to well stay alive was hide. I became a nerd because it was safer than trying to be a normal kid. So I hid in the library, bored off my tits looking for something, anything, to distract me from the boredom and pain and there was an old VHS copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, which was awesome because I had a CRT combi TV with built in VHS player. And that was how I fell in love with the work of Douglas Adams. Douglas was a tall nerd who loved Doctor Who and wanted to write for it, got to and created not just one but two incredibly brilliant scifi series. TV script writer, Radio script writer, novelist. Lover of late lunches, personal anecdotes, recycling works, procrastination, futuristic technology and such a slow writer that his stuff would often never be drafted. He is like my spirit father, my idol, my role model. And he created the earth edition of the The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy H2G2.com which when I found it was hosted on the BBC's cult website. It was the first time I had to think seriously about a username. There had been a parody of the gardening makeover show Ground Force in one of the Beano annuals I had and I decided that I would be the farce-nuke. The comedic weapon of mass destruction. Much as is used in the beginning of The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. Except I was a kid with a funny voice and because I wasn't sure with spelling I would often sound out the words. Thus Farce-nuke became Farsh-nuke. I have stuck with the name ever since because it is always available. Then in 2009, having finally left school and spent a year bored off my tits I decided to build a dalek and get seriously into Doctor Who and there, after the Easter Special of Doctor Who, I wrote my first fanfic about Doctor Who in which a young nerd who had changed his name to the Farsh-Nuke by deedpoll proceeded to help Lady Christina Du Souza fight off weresharks. It was a very weird story and appallingly awful in so many ways but the Farsh-nuke was created. Sort of. You see it wasn't until I was writing Doctor Who A Catch in Continuity that I first wrote the character of William Dickson Wright. I basically created William in that story to be the motivation for Sylphs turning viscious and becoming a problem for the Doctor. This was where much of the lore of the Sylphs was solidified as a result. William Dickson Wright is a character who basically existed to turn up and say "Mwahaha! Isn't manipulating and killing sylphs wonderful!?" and I basically realised that a tall charismatic complete shit head is more in character for the Farsh-nuke than an average height nerdy chivalrous hero. Since then the original Mary Sue version of the Farsh-nuke is known as the Great Farsh-nuke and the William Dickson Wright version is the standard but I am working up to doing a female Farsh-nuke and not an Unleasher thing either but literally a woman who has grown up with this sexist eldritch abomination in her head and how screwed up that makes her but I want to get better at writing women first. There is one slight bit of meaning I can give you though, as in canonically. Well originally of course the Farsh-nuke didn't have a body, he couldn't even blink in any conceptual sense, a mad being formed of primordial logic starting into eternity for an unfathomable amount of time until the logic developed to such a state that he could shut off the outside world. So one idea I have played with isd that originally the Farsh-nuke was just a sound, like a random shockwave of a logic bomb given sentience and unimaginable power by the power of said Logic Bomb. What the does the Farsh-nuke symbolise though? Well I see his life as the ultimate redemption narrative. I mean flip it on its head and you start with the unleasher. The loyal pet of an old friend, her future self rescues her and she travels as a wandering hero until she dies vanquishing evil, is reborn as this man calling himself the Farsh-nuke and he's very kind and gentle mainly but there is ice in what he does and over time hie loses his temper more and fights his old friends more and more. A brush with pure logic means he nearly destroys the universe and the Farsh-nuke recedes as the man sets up a dystopian conspiracy and lives quietly within it until he eats his lover and the Farsh-nuke utterly recedes. He is bullied until his death, bought back to life at a trial by 7 powerful interuniversal empires and allowed to go about having tons of debauchery until his power grows such that he ceases to be human and he is sent mad as the very substance of his being degrades until not even the name Farsh-nuke remains, That which I have just described is thew Farsh-nuke's life run backwards and that is a story of descent into madness and horror. The Farsh-nuke's story is a steady climb up from literal nothing to living out her last days as a woman being kept as a pet by her old arch enemy. For a man who has so consistently hated himself a story of redemption and atonement is quite appealing. Also it explains why he puts honour before reason because he has devoured souls, slaughtered women for breakfast and threatened the destruction of the entire multiverse. It's also a critique on the Doctor and Doctor Who. Indeed I find it appropriate that someone imagined Jenna Coleman playing the main character Sally in the Accessory, another short story I wrote, because in my head the Sally of that story was an alternate universe version of the Lucy that is so often the Farsh-nuke's pet, the companion to his Doctor. There is a reason I don't focus on the Farsh-nuke anymore. well there are many. The Farsh-nuke is sexist, canabalistic, murderous, capable of destroying the universe and just that good at convincing women to do his bidding that consent is a sham and he is also the Doctor. As a critique. Also, in many ways, my version of the Doctor. Even when he comes back in the coming space opera trilogy to be killed off there are definite shades of the seventh Doctor. I am far more interested in his pets. In Lucy. There will be a series of short stories coming to this blog and in audiobook form in due time called Green Eyed Nothing that tell the story of the Farsh-nuke but I think a more interesting wquestion in terms of meaning and symbolism is: What are the Sylphs? * The Farsh-nuke lay naked on a table as two northern scientists dissected him. The ghost of the Farsh-nuke stood in the theater overlooking the operating room. "I don't understand" he said "I did what needed to be done. I made the hard decisions. I saved lives. I bought order from chaos. I did what had to be done." I pat him on the shoulder "I know man and it was good knowing you. You were fun. You let me think things I couldn't dare consider otherwise. I do love you. You're part of me, part of who I am." The ghost of the Farsh-nuke stared at me "But?" "But Lucy's over there" I said pointing with my thumb to were a tall blond woman stood chatting to Jenna Louise Coleman "And she has had a much harder fight and she has a much much harder fight ahead of her. Killing you, defeating the Septagonoids, toppling the Logicios. She is the feminist wave incarnate and she's a pet who has fun and is playful and submissive and that is just so much more interesting than yet another fucking white guy who is totally mad and evil but utterly brilliant and on our side. And have you met her friend Sally? We're taking her to the pub tonight, apparently it's going to be a really wild time and after that we're watching Laura K Buzz take over thew world through the power of butts. It is going to be ACE!!! Now if you don't mind I am going to have some fun. Good luck with the whole being dead thing." I run off with Lucy and Sally. The Ghost of the Farsh-nuke sighs "Bloody feminist bastard. I thought you liked the male power fantasy?" "You're telling me?" said the Peter Capaldi incarnation of the Doctor "Bastard's been hating on me ever since I turned out to have a dick again. Come on, Bond's got a bar with hot chicks ready to go. He'll be back when you grow a pair of tits" The ghost of the Farsh-nuke shrugs and enters the tardis with the Doctor. "So in conclusion" said Keehar "What we are dealing with is an outdated power fantasy that was created by a crazy mixed up kid with a lot of issues," "Well yeah" said the Grampus "But I would also add that I think there is a possibility for revival when the writer realises the potential of the Farsh-nuke as a nongendered eldritch mind slug. The King is dead. Long live the Queen" On The Farsh-nuke And The Lore Of The Multiverse (08-31-2016) ON THE FARSH-NUKE AND THE LORE OF THE MULTIVERSE By Alexander Gordon Jahans The Farsh-nuke is a mistake, quite literally created by accident and he is a monster. A wretched abhorrent thing. I have tried to kill him many times but I can never quite let him stay dead. He always comes back. Perhaps because he is my shadow. The Farsh-nuke was, once upon a time, just another word for me but the character evolved and changed overtime as plot and the different circumstances caused that to become distant. The Farsh-nuke is the monster I feel I am at my most self loathing and the unstoppable casanova part of me imagines I could be at my best. When I need to analyse my state of mind I have the Farsh-nuke interrogate me. The Farsh-nuke for that reason must stay removed from the fiction and yet can never stay removed from my fiction. I keep trying to redeem the Farsh-nuke somehow but I think I have stumbled upon the best approach to him, to keep him in the shadows. The stories I write now are not about the Farsh-nuke and he barely, if at all, features yet he is all the more powerful as an idea for it. The Farsh-nuke was a piece of grit in an oyster to make a pearl, a speck of dust around which a snowflake formed. The Sylphs, the Weresharks, the Logicios and the Bam-Kursh are all indelibly bound to the Farsh-nuke and so by focusing on them the threat and power of the Farsh-nuke is so much greater displayed, allowing for him to not show his face because of the sense that Farsh-nuke is orchestrating things behind the scenes. Besides which I find there is something far more interesting about sylph domesticity and the Bam-Kursh's uncaring manipulations. The Farsh-nuke is rage and lust, a creative ingenuity and brutal force of will. By contrast the Bam-Kursh is uncaring, selfish, logical, manipulative and persistent. the Farsh-nuke falls in love with his sylphs, the Bam-Kursh makes her toys fall in love with her. And it is interesting to watch the sylphs and the toys adapt to their lives and try to achieve their ends. It is oddly appropriate that there is seemingly a pseudo religious meme cult in my name now given that the Farsh-nuke was at one point portrayed as a deconstruction of the Christian monomyth. And this plays into the lore of the multiverse as the Farsh-nuke is at once physically weaker and yet much more powerful by the standards of deities. He is not the anti-hero anymore, instead he is the old wizard who has seen so much as to be practically omniscient, particularly given his awareness of the fourth wall. As for the multiverse? Well the war of the Septagonoids is over and a new era of peace ruled by sylphs begins but the question is, just why were the sylphs created in the first place? What terrified a great and powerful race so much that they sought to create the sylphs for their own protection? My writing is not the serious endeavour I thought it was. Instead it's become like my videos, something I do for my own benefit that others are free to partake in. I feel like this is part of growing up, that the pulp of the past has given way to more mature philosophical questions and more nuanced and deep conflicts than Ooogadyboos from the planet Zarg looking to invade. Except that's what Doctor Who is and always will be fundamentally. I guess that's partly why I am more interested in Game of Thrones now. Category:Esoteric Jahanism Category:The Multiverse